Rules Text: Exile all creatures. Incubate X, where X is the number of creatures exiled this way. (Create an Incubator token with X +1/+1 counters on it and “2: Transform this artifact.” It transforms into a 0/0 Phyrexian artifact creature.)
Flavor Text: “Let the light scour away your imperfect flesh.” -Heliod
Illustrated by: Kasia ‘Kafis’ Zielinska
Sunfall Makes the Jeskai Deck
Here’s a Jeskai Control deck that I got from my friend Lanny Huang:
In case you don’t read, I dunno, anything and everything I write and / or record, I recently called Lanny the world’s best deck designer. I was wrong of course (it’s Sam Black right now)… But to his credit, Lanny refused to accept the title, knowing how good Sam is.
Lanny wrote an absolute banger of a first Magic: The Gathering article, and if you haven’t read it you should stop reading this and immediately click over to Medium:
In the unlikely event you are reading my personal blog but don’t believe me… How about Luis Scott-Vargas?
Anyway, I got this deck from Lanny. It’s not my usual speed. Even when I’m a Control guy, I tend to build around redundancy and consistency. I might not be Burning; but I have lots of Dragons. Or lots of Counterspells.
By contrast, this deck does a little bit of this, and a little bit of that. It has powerful (relatively cheap) threats like Fable of the Mirror-Breaker and Reckoner Bankbuster that you see in a variety of decks. But it’s also got a pair of Sanctuary Wardens at the six. Also a couple of Abrades. Three copies of Fires of Victory…
A little bit of this, and a little bit of that.
What holds the deck all together are the sweepers. I have a lot of thoughts about Farewell in today’s Standard. I think that it’s expensive and that the popularity of Battles limits just how sweeping a sweeper Farewell can be.
But it also has Sunfall.
My goodness, Sunfall. Sunfall makes the deck!
There are only two copies of Sunfall but it’s fantastic all the time. It’s a mana cheaper than Farewell and leaves you something. The more stuff there is to kill — of the opponent’s or sometimes your own stuff — the better Sunfall is next turn.
How to Turn a Lotus Petal into a Mox Sapphire
I’d say that you have to play Sunfall yourself to appreciate just how good it is; but clearly that’s not true. I did it for you here:
There’s an epic Sunfall in the first minute of this video; and there are plenty of times that the card digs me out of tough situations. Will I get the Play-In Point? I guess you’ll just have to watch the video to find out!
The other cool thing about this Jeskai deck is its four-of permission spell, Disruption Protocol:
Disruption Protocol from Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty
Disruption Protocol is kind of a Cancel masquerading as the original Counterspell. You’re going to be playing it for UU1 far more often than UU; and even when you do UU, that won’t be the end of your tapping.
What is cool about the card is that you can kinda sorta turn a turn-two Reckoner Bankbuster into a mana rock for purposes of Disruption Protocol. Later in the game when you have Treasures from Reckoner Bankbuster or Fable of the Mirror-Breaker, you can tap them to help cast it without actually sacrificing them. In that way, the card kind of turns a Lotus Petal into a Mox Sapphire.
And that’s pretty cool, don’t you think?
Anyway, go read Lanny’s article and also go watch my latest video. One is great but the other is still pretty good (and also I was having a great hair day).
LOVE MIKE
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Rules Text: Vigilance. Whenever a source an opponent controls deals damage to you or a permanent you control, that source’s controller loses 2 life unless they pay {1}. {2}{W}, Sacrifice three other creatures: Exile Elesh Norn, then return it to the battlefield transformed under its owner’s control. Activate only as a sorcery.
Illustrated by: Magali Villeneuve
When we last spoke, I had just spent four Magic: The Gathering Arena wildcards on a different Phyrexian Praetor, Vorinclex. But clearly there is more than one sweet Legendary Creature in new set March of the Machine.
Elesh Norn caught my eye because of its dual abilities to borrow from the existing Standard White Control shell, and simultaneously attack and defend from a different angle.
Bring on the 187s! Bring on the Dorks!
There is already a strong tradition for Standard White Control decks to play a lot of card advantageous 187 creatures… Whether they’re de facto cantrips like Spirited Companion or its close competitor, Ambitious Farmhand. A whole school of White Control exists that plays four copies of Ambitious Farmhand and four copies of The Restoration of Eiganjo to help cheat on mana. Despite having a relatively high high end, this style of White Control only plays 22 lands.
I decided to borrow from that mana structure, and just replace The Restoration of Eiganjo with Spirited Companion, so all eight cantrip creatures at the two. Here’s what I’ve been working from:
In addition to drawing lands and moving through the deck, these cheap creatures are also great fodder for new March of the Machines Legend, Elesh Norn.
Elesh Norn needs three creatures to transform into The Argent Etchings. Once she’s in Saga mode, the game will usually end quickly.
The Argent Etchings from March of the Machine
Card Name: The Argent Etchings
Card Type: Enchantment – Saga
Rules Text: (As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter.) I — Incubate 2 five times, then transform all Incubator tokens you control. II — Creatures you control get +1/+1 and gain double strike until end of turn. III — Destroy all other permanents except for artifacts, lands, and Phyrexians. Exile The Argent Etchings, then return it to the battlefield (front face up).
Illustrated by: Magali Villeneuve
All the cards in the deck are highly synergistic with one another. Wedding Announcement is another source of small creatures that can serve as Elesh Norn fodder. Serra Paragon can buy back Spirited Companion or Ambitious Farmhand from the graveyard. Both these creatures — along with outstanding defensive enchantment Ossification — are especially potent with the five mana version of today’s Legendary Praetor, Elesh Norn, Mother of Machines.
All together this deck retains most of what people want out of White Control — Lay Down Arms early, grinding card advantage through the middle turns — but tops up on a powerful pair of Phyrexian engines that can either end the game immediately or bury the opponent in card advantage.
Elesh Norn Game Play
I made a video with my new deck! I hope you like it. Will our hero (and his new sidekick Elesh Norn) earn a coveted Play-In Point after seven rounds of Standard battle? There is only one way to find out!
LOVE MIKE
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Rules Text: When Vorinclex enters the battlefield, search your library for up to two Forest cards, reveal them, put them into your hand, then shuffle. {6}{G}{G}: Exile Vorinclex, then return it to the battlefield transformed under its owner’s control. Activate only as a sorcery.
Illustrated by: Daarken
The Rate on Vorinclex
On its face, Vorinclex from March of the Machine is a pretty solid Magic: The Gathering card. A 6/6 creature for five mana with two combat abilities is already in the “not embarrassing” category; but in 2023, we do need a little more oomph to get excited.
Luckily, Vorinclex gives us something to get excited about!
This card has to more abilities! The first one is a Primeval Titan-like ability to search up two lands. A restriction to get Forests only (rather than any kind of land) does make this ability less powerful than Primeval Titan’s. Combine that with only putting them in hand rather than onto the battlefield, and it’s really less powerful!
That said, five mana is a mile less than six mana when you’re anywhere above four mana. So if you put it all together: Reach, Trample, and a double card-draw? Vorinclex gives you a solid return for five mana. It will often be the most powerful permanent on the battlefield upon resolution.
There is this additional ability as well. Vorinclex can transform into The Grand Evolution for an additional eight mana.
Card Name: Enchantment — Saga
Card Type: Enchantment – Saga
Rules Text: I — Mill ten cards. Put up to two creature cards from among the milled cards onto the battlefield. II — Distribute seven +1/+1 counters among any number of target creatures you control. III — Until end of turn, creatures you control gain “{1}: This creature fights target creature you don’t control.” Exile The Grand Evolution, then return it to the battlefield (front face up).
Illustrated by: Daarken
The Grand Evolution will come up less often than Vorinclex proper. Even with a two-land boost (from five), eight mana is a high bar in Standard. That said, the ability to search up two addition (often large) creatures, make everyone huge, then kill all the opponent’s creatures to death means that resolving this five-plus-eight will tend to end the game.
And if not? Vorinclex will put it all together again for you after Chapter III.
Golgari Test Deck
I initially tried some mana ramp decks into lots of copies of Storm the Festival. They had predictably high high-ends, but were woefully ineffective against beatdown.
Ultimately this is a kind of mid-range Black Control deck in the vein of Hall of Famer Willy Edel’s Golgari lists from when Strixhaven was still legal in Standard. In the early game it has a lot of Black Control’s anti-beatdown DNA, but bridges a higher high-end via Vorinclex.
The nature of exploiting Vorinclex’s 187 ability means having to play a lot of Forests. There are some nonbasic Forests as well, to get late-game black mana (as well as cycle into spells)… But this deck can’t reliably support four copies of Invoke Despair. Instead we have a mix of game-ending bombs, including a solo Storm the Festival. You have to admit it is kind of cool to play both Invoke Despair and Storm the Festival in the same deck.
The sideboard allows the deck to shift into a number of different directions. It can slash the expensive stuff to play a lot of Parasitic Grasp… Combined with Cut Down and Go for the Throat, a full compliment of Parasitic Grasps will make a Red Deck’s life very difficult.
Lots of new decks enabled by March of the Machine play Battles. Other decks play lots of Planeswalkers. Both types of decks spread wide, but with powerful non-creature permanents. After sideboarding, we can both go bigger and fight their go-wide strategy with Karn’s Sylex. Together with more copies of Storm the Festival, Karn’s Sylex can appear early or late to help us take control of the battlefield.
Of course you can just watch how this new deck plays out!
There are tons of appearances from new March of the Machine cards — Battles, Legends duos, and Praetors on both sides of the battlefield. Check it out!
Rules Text: Razorlash Transmogrant can’t block. 4BB: Return Razorlash Transmogrant from your graveyard to the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter on it. This ability costs {4} less to activate if an opponent controls four or more nonbasic lands.
Illustrated by: Kekai Kotaki
Transmogrant Tenets
Razorlash Transmogrant sees a decent amount of play in a variety of decks. It’s sometimes included in the main, but more often played in the sideboard for specific matchups. If you’ve participated in much Standard, you know there are simply some decks that don’t attack (ergo the inability to block is less of a downside). Decks with lots of spells rather than lots of creatures (you know, the reason they’re not attacking as much) will also tend to be more vulnerable to recurring attacking threats. Cut Down Razorlash Transmogrant the first time? Cool. How about the third? You can’t even counter it (revived from the graveyard) come the mid-game.
Perfect play against Razorlash Transmogrant is challenging (assuming you’re one of the decks it is good against). Recently, the brilliant multiple-time Top 8 competitor Matt Sperling cost himself the elimination rounds at the Regional Championships via a Razorlash-related slip. Matt was intentionally sandbagging his fifth land drop to keep his opponent from being able to buy back his Transmogrant… Until he slipped. Most players can’t even fathom Matt’s line of holding back lands! Ergo, the artifact-Zombie will sometimes burgle you a little extra value.
But Razorlash Transmogrant is stone cold awful some of the time! It has one toughness! Almost anything can trade with it the first time. Up against a Wedding Announcement deck with mostly basic Plains? The artifact creature is not exactly going to glitter. The fact that it can’t block makes it a liability against pure attack decks like the Mono-Red we posted yesterday.
It’s fantastic sometimes and a near-mulligan others. What might make it at least, more consistently, good?
Bending Razorlash Transmogrant
You can’t break this card… But what about bending it? What might be a good shell for the The Brothers’ War’s mechanical Zombie?
That’s a very slight update to a deck that I posted about on CoolStuffInc last week (use promo code “Flores” for 5% off of anything at CoolStuffInc and I’ll love you forever because they’ll love me slightly more, presumably). The update is merely -1 Mountain +1 Swamp. This is an Invoke Despair deck, and I found I was losing games to Mountain + Sokenzan sometimes; Mountain + second Mountain being a legitimate disaster.
This is a good place to play Razorlash Transmogrant for three reasons:
The greedy Liliana of the Veil wants things to discard – Discarding Razorlash Transmogrant is unusually painless, because you can get it back eventually. Against some decks, you can get it back almost immediately, at 4/2, and at a discount.
The deck needs a critical mass of two mana creatures to set up Ob Nixilis, the Adversary anyway. You need something!
Given you need a creature to set up Ob Nixilis, why not a card that is painless to sacrifice that you can get back anyway, almost immediately, at 4/2, at a discount, &c.?
Welcome to Rakdos Planeswalkers, Razorlash Transmogrant!
329 Words on Rakdos Planeswalkers
This deck looks like absolute hell for a Red Deck. 4 Cut Downs + two mana instant speed removal are a powerful front line of defense. Once Ob Nixilis gets going, any deck with cards like Play With Fire and Lightning Strike can start to look a little silly.
This deck will often be operating with three or even more Planeswalkers in play, due to the Casualty on Ob Nixilis. Once you have multiple Planeswalkers in play, forcing a hellbent opponent to play off the top becomes trivial.
What are you giving up to go Planeswalkers? First, you invest in weird creatures like Razorlash Transmogrant. At the same time you eschew the usual — usual and very good — creature packages on turns three and four. Every beatdown player quakes at the prospect of a 3/3 followed by a 4/5… But decks with a lot of Go for the Throat don’t. Rakdos Planeswalkes will punish opponents with a lot of point removal. Targets are not attractive, and most played removal can’t target Liliana.
This remains a powerful Invoke Despair deck! It boasts has four copies of Invoke Despair, rather than the three or even fewer that are seen in some other black mid-range or control strategies. As such it is capable of putting tremendous pressure on the opponent, from multiple angles. Some people just aren’t very good at interacting with Planeswalkers, and the one-two punch of spell-like activations and the biggest BBBB in the format will tax almost any opponent’s defenses. Combine that with recurring threats in the form of Tenacious Underdog and Razorlash Transmogrant and mid-range decks, in particular, will wilt.
Finally, the sideboard does allow Rakdos Planeswalkers to shift laterally into a more conventional Rakdos deck with Sheoldred, the Apocalypse and Graveyard Trespasser for a better ability to gum up The Red Zone + passively gain life. This is a Swiss Army Knife with a high (though not highest) power level. The re-buy creatures also make Fable of the Mirror-Breaker (always so attractive) even more attractive than most other decks. Thanks Chapter Two!
Rakdos Planeswalkers in Action!
I made a video on my newly re-launched YouTube page featuring this powerful, innovative, and meaningfully different deck. I’d love if you watched it, “Like” it if you like it, and let me know what I can do better:
Today’s videos are also out-of-step in terms of audio and visuals.
Oh well, I assume you will forgive me.
Speaking of forgiveness, Huntmaster of the Fells really undoes a lot of goofball play. That is a good Magic: The Gathering Card.
In these videos you will see (but not really love the narration of) the battle between ye olde Huntmaster of the Fells and new kid on the block, Blood Artist. Blood Artist tries his best, but let’s be honest, one of these cards costs twice as much mana as the other one and won its debut PT with a mirror match finals.
Huntmaster of the Fells
Cool Blood Artist play: At one point I smash my opponent with Bonfire of the Damned when he has Blood Artist equipped with Mortarpod. I mentally figure myself as taking four damage (one from the Mortarpod sacrifice, then three from the triggers on Blood Artist when his dudes die)… My opponent correctly (!) does not sacrifice the Blood Artist to Mortarpod. Why?
He wouldn’t have a Blood Artist in play to cash in the three one stack later!
So, I was wrong about taking four (took three instead). A more impulsive, greed motivated (but ultimately incorrect) opponent might accidentally just do one.
Cool Huntmaster of the Fells play: It is pretty easy to leave back spells to flip over Huntmaster of the Fells. Even mana-tapping-greedy folk like me can do it! You can use your mana to sacrifice creatures to Birthing Pod, or just cast a Restoration Angel on the opponent’s turn (ideally locking fingers with your Ravager of the Fells to set up more Huntmaster of the Fells triggers).
Sorry again for some sub-optimal video content. New computer / haven’t done this for a year / whatever assorted excuses.
So over the weekend I [presumably] melted yet another iMac hard drive by playing MTGO on Parallels.
This is possibly meaningless to you if you don’t own a Mac. Basically I slowed down / stopped making Magic videos about a year ago on account of it being cumbersome from a hardware standpoint. My wife, irate at the steaming slag heap that was once a glorious centerpiece of computing entertainment, instructed that I “get a PC and only play the Magic on it” … We are essentially a Mac household but I think it is no stretch at this point to say MTGO plays better on a PC than a Mac.
So I got this new laptop that I am reasonably happy with, and I decided to start taping MTGO videos again!
Yay!
My Star City fans will be so happy!
…
hmmm…
Long story short, I was a bit out of step in terms of audio and video on these vids, and didn’t realize until after I had “produced” like eight of them. Totally unsuitable for professional distribution, and way too much work for me to fix on the Mac (or force on Jesse Snyder or Jeremy Noell). So… In a fight between “sending the videos to the graveyard” or “throwing them up on YouTube so at least some of my good people will enjoy them” the latter prevailed.
So please take the next four or so blog posts in that light. In some wise these would have been good enough, I hope, but I am certainly not presenting them as such here and now, today.
Fair warning, a fair amount of these vids is just going to be out-of-sync voice-over of YT and a disembodied Hypercam dialog. To wit:
Big takeaways:
There will be at least four uncharacteristically content-rich blog updates here on FiveWithFlores and the FiveWithFlores YouTube page this week.
They will all be about Naya Pod.
I actually made an even clever-er deck that I am going to do an article on for Flores Friday.
There will be videos on the aforementioned deck-I-like-more-than-Naya-Pod circa Flores Friday or next Monday (Lauren’s pick / I guess it depends how fast I get them to her)
Today’s videos have this fellow featured quite prominently:
Hold on a sec… Is Zealous Conscripts a chick?
Game One, versus U/W Control In which Zealous Conscripts struts her shenanigans all over Consecrated Sphinx.
Game Two, versus U/W Control In which we encounter the hardest working Cavern of Souls in the history of Dominaria; and a U/W Venser, the Sojourner player learns who exactly has inevitability. Spoilers!
How to use YouTube :: The top 100-ever cartoons and stuff :: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Death Note :: Ahsoka Tano’s new… um, lightaber :: … and How to Use YouTube
Ahsoka Tano, new costume, peek-a-boo and TWO FREAKING LIGHTSABERS
Having already figured out the strategy to be discussed in this blog post, I ended up happening on IGN’s list of the Top 100 animated programs of all time.
I don’t really visit IGN all that often any more, but I still have warm feelings RE: them from the days — more than ten years ago — that The Dojo made like $5,000 a month as an IGN affiliate.
They have (spoilers!) The Simpsons as the best animated show of all time; they have Batman: The Animated Series as number two. That seems like they got the big stuff right!
Some stuff they got wrong, but it is mostly personal preference (i.e. I have good taste); for instance The Smurfs (terrible) is not better than M.A.S.K.
Though IGN tipped the hat to a lot of the great Disney afternoon cartoons, they missed Disney’s Adventures of the Gummi Bears, which was much better than some of the ones they mentioned (like the boring Tail Spin).
In any case, I mention the list because I am going to use it for inspiration; inspiration of what to watch of course! Here are some shows I am going to check out that I’ve never really thought to follow before:
Fullmetal Alchemist
Death Note
Naruto
Cowboy Bebop
Firestarter: Any more suggestions?
Plus, given how high they rated Neon Genesis Evangelion, I’ll probably go back to that. I have memories, still, of VHS tapes and how much better the Japanese subtitled eps of Neon Genesis Evangelion were than the English dubs back from the summer of 1999 (my first summer in New York). The old guard — altran, TunaHwa, and even Adrian Sullivan — working at The Dojo used to watch us some mecha.
But the title of this blog post is “How to Use YouTube” not “Some Top 100 List from IGN” … What’s up?
Recently I have been complaining about the new outfit on Ahsoka Tano (Anakin Skywalker’s apprentice on Star Wars: The Clone Wars). IRL friends who also happen to be Twitter friends like Teddy Card Game and Luis Not-Vargas have been commenting on the season and the costume change on Twitter with me. Why does Ahsoka suddenly have peek-a-boo boobs? Why does she have two lightsabers now?
Apparently I missed an ep or two… But it’s not like they explained the costume change. Whatever!
Luckily, I could find the eps I missed pretty easily. Hooray!
It turns out that if you know what you’re looking for, you can find anything you want on YouTube. For example, I was looking for episode 10 of season three of Star Wars: The Clone Wars (according to Teddy Card Game the first appearance of Ahsoka’s peek-a-boo boobs), and found it instantaneously!
How insane is freaking YouTube?
I looked up Death Note episodes on Wikipedia to find the first one… Turns out it is on YouTube! (not a surprise)
I haven’t watched these yet; but I presume they are awesome. I’ve already been warned not to read any spoiler sites because the show is supposedly full of more twists and turns than the letter S.
I was amazed that I could find any episode from obscure, short-lived series like Visionaries (I used a half-remembered reference from age 11 or so in the big project I am writing and recording for SCG), as well as what I wanted from M.A.S.K. On this, the manufactured Hallmark holiday of romance, I can say for true: YouTube, I love you.
LOVE
MIKE
P.S. Don’t forget the Firestarter!
P.P.S. A pal would buy Deckade P.P.P.S. Y’all know how mono-seriously I take lightsaber fightin’. Just sayin’. SHARE AND ENJOY (please)
So there is more on television than there… was a few weeks ago.
I have been watching more Netflix streaming — specifically burning through Spartacus and Spartacus the past couple of weeks — but all that deserves its own blog post (or more than one, probably). For now I’ll concentrate on regular tee vee stuff.
Monday
“Gossip Girl” is back!
I love “Gossip Girl”!
I love Blake Lively!
I loved Blake Lively before you ever heard of her!
Everyone knows all this!
Seriously, Lilly is a disaster. Thea Steele says you almost have to forget everything Lilly has ever done to watch any episode of “Gossip Gir”l. I think she might be a worse mother than January Jones on “Mad Men”.
Did I mention I love “Gossip Girl”?
I think there might be an inevitable end game where Dan ends up bumping up against Blair… I mean they are almost the only main cast members who haven’t hooked up with each other.
Tuesday
“V” has been okay. I hope it keeps going is all I can say… The first hand full of eps this season have been weaker than the first couple of eps last season, &c.
I have been enjoying “White Collar” immensely. The USA shows are lovable in general, and “White Collar” is basically about a well dressed guy who runs mono-shenanigans for a living.
Wednesday
Dagger!
“Top Chef” was a disaster for the good guys this week.
Spoilers! in case you didn’t see it coming…
I had two horses amongst the Top Chefs (out of four), and lost the win to Antonia (Megan’s only remaining chef).
Then, in the bottom three, PNaps had two horses there; both of whom prepared worse dishes than Tre. As far as I could tell, Mike Isabella — who is an Italian American chef — completely botched his pasta, and Filipino Dale made a dish “he makes for his girlfriend” that would keep him from ever getting laid… Tre on the other hand cut his vegetables too thick or something.
Standings:
Phil Napoli: 1
YT: 5
Luis Neiman: 15
Megan Holland: 29
Thursday
Thursday is like a renaissance of television. “30 Rock” has had two eps this season that rival the best episodes ever, and this week’s “Community” — centered around Dungeons & Dragons — was absolutely charming (especially for gamers like YT). But the one show that I look forward to the most is the returning “Parks and Recreation”.
I have been watching a lot of “Parks and Recreation” on Netflix streaming while I have been working on my big upcoming project for Star City Games. Sister City from last season is simply one of the funniest half hours of television you could ever watch… But I couldn’t find a link to embed. So instead, here is last night’s “Community” … Which any fan of The Lord of the Rings movies (or most gamers) will appreciate:
A Dark Elf.
Friday
I have to catch up on “Star Wars: The Clone Wars”. I have basically every ep from this season on DVR but have only watched maybe two or three. I fault the kids, who have vastly diversified their limited tee vee time across more varied (but not interesting to me) interests. A lot of the commercials and teasers have looked absolutely awesome.
“Young Justice” returned to form this week! Last week was only okay, and I didn’t love the week before, but this week’s Schooled was very nice. It featured the first training session with Black Canary (one of my favorite characters in the DC Universe) teaching the kids how to fight. Canary opened up with this nugget of wisdom (before being hit on by Kid Flash):
“Combat is about controlling conflict — putting the battle on your terms. You should always be acting, never reacting.” -Black Canary
I am 100% stealing that for some future Magic article on mindset (surprising, I know).
Last, “Ben Ten: Ultimate Alien” returned tonight with a pretty decent ep. Not the best Ben Ten effort, not by a wide margin, but still a good fight with an always welcome short cameo by Azmuth. I like how, even though Ben has to use all different new aliens for toy sales purposes, he is more adept with some of the older models (or variations), and can close out basically any opponent. Per usual Kevin evolves in terms of model just a little bit as he has with every season… Still 100% recognizable, but with big Popeye forearms in his “stone” mode this week. As humans we love a mixture of the familiar and variation, and little tweaks like Kevin’s visuals offer just that.
It’s possible I will be able to watch the new Spartacus: Gods of the Arena later tonight, but probably not. It’s probably the best show on television right now.
Saturday
Who knows?
Sunday
I’m a bit behind on some of the premium cable shows, but have been religious with “Episodes” — the new Matt LeBlanc vehicle on Showtime. Very good… funny… and eye-opening, kind of like the first season of “30 Rock” alongside “Studio 60 and the Sunset Strip” (but a slightly different subject matter, obviously).
Before we continue, I updated the recent post RE: Consecrated Sphinx. Nico Boshoff from ye olde Unstoppable Twitter Army threw me a great idea combining the [+2} ability on Jace Beleren with the mise-tacular misings of Consecrated Sphinx, which I think upgrades the 4/6 quite a bit.
But enough about Magic: The Gathering.
Sunday “Big Love” is back. However I did not realize that until this AM, taking Bella to her first grownup karate class. Ergo I have to catch up on that one before tomorrow night’s ep.
“Episodes” has been entertaining so far. There are multiple layers of “fish out of water” (sophisticated British writing couple in cutthroat LA, dopey Joey from “Friends” in sophisticated British boarding school comedy) going on that play together well. Not my favorite show or anything, but fun to watch and I don’t plan on missing any.
Last season was the best so far for “Californication” … This season hasn’t really maintained the quality so far. It is still event tv for me, but — I almost can’t believe I am saying this — it’s semi-tiresome that Hank just mono-nails whatever hot woman happens to walk by, regardless of age or circumstance.
Monday I don’t remember what happened on “How I Met Your Mother” and the only thing I can remember from the return of “House” is that the guy who played Shaggy was the guest star.
Tuesday “V” is sitting on DVR. I don’t remember what I was doing on Tuesday but probably there was a tv conflict with Nintendo Wii usage. Basically we figured out how to set up our Wii to run Netflix streaming, which is not actually an upgrade relative to the iMac (or for that matter the Air I am typing this blog post on), but there is just something symmetrical about watching television on your actual television. In terms of Netflix streaming, Katherine has been burning through seasons of “Bones” and I have been spending my late nights writing to the battle cries of blood-soaked “Spartacus: Blood and Sand”.
“Spartacus: Blood and Sand” is quite simply like nothing else on television. It is like “Rome” to the nth power. All the stuff that was over the top about “Rome” … the idea that someone might be crucified — motherloving crucified — for slighting his commanding officer is amplified to someone actually getting crucified (after other nasty stuff has already happened to him). It is bloody like nothing I have ever seen on the small screen (basically nonstop dismemberments), and the show boasts more nudity — male and female both — than “Californication” does. I can’t stop watching it.
For those of you who don’t know, the “Spartacus” franchise is in trouble. The star was diagnosed with cancer in between the first season (the one I am watching now) and the second; so the second was replaced by “Spartacus: Gods of the Arena”, a six-episode prequel series focusing on other characters (including my favorite, onetime Xena and Cylon, Lucy Lawless)… that doesn’t actually feature the character Spartacus himself. It is unclear if there will ever be a third season (second season?) at all.
Oh, I have a fair number of girlfriends (no, not that kind of girlfriend) who think — or at least used to think — that the dudes in The 300 were really built like that. The gladiators on “Spartacus: Blood and Sand” are all musclebound and running around half-naked, slashing each other for 42 minutes at a time; I mean, if you’re into that kind of stuff.
Wednesday Wednesday is “Top Chef: All Stars” day, and you know what that means… Update to Top Chef Draft!
Skip ahead if you fear a spoiler.
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Ditto.
Okay! Warnings over!
This week  was nearly optimal for the home team. A Quickfire win by Filipino Dale was yet another one point boon for Phil Napoli. Good lord Phil’s draft is looking good right now. He has Angelo (probably the 2d most favored chef in the competition), Mike Isabella (meaning just another competitor to help out points-wise), and motherloving Filipino Dale. Filipino Dale went fifteenth pick out of sixteen, and has already solo-crushed multiple Elimination Challenges.
I came off best on the week, with three points over Phil’s two points, because all three of my remaining horses — Tre, Carla, and Fabio — were in the winners’ circle, though overall winner was Richard (probably the most highly favored chef, and a member of Luis’s stable). Megan took a dagger with the loss of Marcel, her first pick (+9 points), but I felt awfully justified in not taking him at that point… despite the fact that my own first pick left the show two weeks ago.
Current standings:
YT – 1
Phil 1
Luis 17
Megan 31
Thursday Lots of stuff on Thursday to talk about, in particular “30 Rock” moving to head-to-head time slot battle against “The Mentalist” (Katherine says she watched “The Mentalist” this week “while eating fiber” if you grok), but the tops has to be the return of “Parks and Recreation” mid-season.
I already liked “Parks and Recreation” but I loved the reference to UCLA coach John Wooden during the basketball rivalry section, specifically the great basketball coach’s Pyramid of Success. Many of you have no idea what I am talking about. I don’t care.
Update!
Osyp Lebedowicz posted The New York Times posting the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness. Not what the great coach Wooden used to command his mastery of basketball, of course, but well worth the LOL.
Click the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness image for full size.
Friday “Young Justice” fell like a stone this week.
Somehow, after the awesome two-part opener, the third episode managed to lapse severely in terms of animation and color quality… The story was only okay… But at least the question I had RE: Speedy / Red Arrow was answered… dude has no interest in joining up.
So… Get it while you still can:
Every time I embed, say, the best ever episode of “Doctor Who” or the entirety of The Hobbit, The Man comes down with the ban-hammer. But until that happens, you can check these out.
2011 looks like it is going to be a big year for movies; the kind of movies that get geek blood pumping, especially comic book fans. Here’s my initial overview of stuff to watch.
January
“The Green Hornet”
I mean I am all for running any and all superhero / comic book-type adaptations, but this one just seems even awesomer than usual. I don’t remember the last movie I saw featuring Cameron Diaz, but I think I’ve at least medium-liked everything I’ve ever seen starring Seth Rogen.
But what really put this one on the list for me was this story from The New York Times RE: director Michel Gondry:
But the director was unable to work with Nicolas Cage, the film’s original villain. For reasons known only to him, he insisted on using a Jamaican accent.
“I was quite relieved when he announced he no longer wanted the part,†Mr. Gondry said.
Mr. Cage was replaced by Christoph Waltz, the Oscar-winning SS colonel in “Inglourious Basterds.†The character lost the accent but gained a midlife crisis.
One of the greatest bad guy performers of this generation directed by one of the most innovative directors? With like domino masks and solving problems with fists?
Sign.
Me.
Up.
Incidentally I was a bit surprised RE: Nic Cage… I mean the guy loves superheroes and was an important part of “Kick-Ass” … without a Jamaican accent 🙂
Passing on: “The Mechanic” (I love Jason Statham but watch DI on video).
February
“Just Go With It”
MovieFone.com did a great job summarizing a movie that I had never heard of in such a way that I 100% want to see it. So rather than pretending that I have an independent thought on this one I am just going to paste a screen shot of what they said.
March
“Sucker Punch”
This trailer is unreal:
“300” is a movie I watch whenever I need to get pumped up. Snyder didn’t really do “Watchmen” justice, but it’s hard to follow Alan Moore at his best, so I’ll give him a pass on that one. Plus, that trailer was just unreal, right? It seems like a combination of “Kick-Ass”, “Kill Bill”, “Special” by Garbage, “Reign of Fire” and “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” … But with shorter skirts.
Just can’t wait.
April
“Scream 4”
I mean, mise.
The “Scream” franchise was actually fairly pivotal in my becoming a movie buff… or at least movie zombie. I think I saw every movie that played in the local cineplex in the year 1998-1999. “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer” might have ruined me for movies for all time; luckily I recovered via “Shakespeare in Love”.
May
“Thor”
/ crosses fingers
On the fence: “The Hangover, Part II” (probably catch it on vid), “Kung Fu Panda: The Kaboom of Doom” (ditto… although the first “Kung Fu Panda” is about the best martial arts movie of all time).
Passing on: “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” (I didn’t even see the third one, the second one was so bad).
June
“X-Men: First Class”
“Kick-Ass” and “Stardust” director Matthew Vaughn is directing a James Bond-esque 1960’s X-Men prequel starring January Jones as Emma Frost of the Hellfire Club.
Trivia question – Do you know what the Hellfire Club-era Emma Frost dresses like?
Second trivia question – Have you ever heard of Betty Draper?
Sounds gorgeous / awful / awesome.
“The Green Lantern”
Weird how X-Men prequel star Ryan Reynolds is starring opposite the most recent X-Men prequel the same month.
More comics – Hopefully all these movies will be awesome.
Hopefully.
July
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II”
All the other movies on this nerd-list put together pale in comparison to the culmination of this mighty franchise.
I have never really loved any of the Harry Potter movies; like I adored each and every book, but I didn’t particularly like any of the movies; maybe number three (I didn’t think they could really do a better job). But for example Order of the Phoenix and The Half-Blood Prince both seemed rushed to YT.
I guess we definitely won’t have that issue having split Number Seven into two parts.
Anyway – I’m really looking forward to this one… Probably not a surprise.
“Captain America: The First Avenger”
I never really liked Captain America (at least not before the Ed Brubaker run). His costume is ridiculous I think you will agree.
That said, you have to watch this one, right? The Avengers crossover coming up basically requires complete devotion to Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, and now Cap.
Is it just me or are there DI comics movies this year?
“Green Hornet”, “Thor”, “X-Men: First Class”, “Green Lantern” and “Captain America: The First Avenger”? It’s like Wednesday, every day.
“Cowboys and Aliens”
Some of you who have been following me for a few years know that I did well in a comics-drawing contest and landed a graphic novel contract with Platinum Studios back in 2003. My Magic writing took off soon after, and I was never able to realize that particular dream of making comics professionally.
What does that have to do with “Cowboys and Aliens” you ask? That was / is a Platinum Studios property!
They seem to have gone full bore on this one, with “Iron Man” director Jon Favreau directing, with basically the nut high nerd-gathering cast of James Bond, Indiana Jones, and the hottest woman on earth as his cast.
One more comics movie it is!
August
“The Smurfs”
Definitely not seeing this.
I actually hated the damn Smurfs as a kid, and the movie looks insufferable.
September
…
October
…
November
…
December
So it looks like I will go four months without seeing a movie in the theater. The most interesting thing between July and December is “Moneyball”, which despite my interest in sports economics and quite liking basically every Brad Pitt movie I have ever seen, doesn’t seem like a movie I would go and see in the theater.
Might see: “Sherlock Holmes 2”, “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” … Honestly, both of these will probably be straight to video releases for YT.
