This blog post has basically nothing to do with Magic: The Gathering. To find out why you can skip way ahead to the “Irony” section (ctrl+f “irony”). But it should still be a super cool blog post simply because — let’s be honest — your old pal michaelj penned (and by “penned” I mean “typed”) it.
Part I: Laying the Blame
Blame Brian David-Marshall.
One of my best friends.
My podcast teammate over at Top 8 Magic (buy Deckade at Top 8 Magic!)
This is a man with 13-17 favorite movies in his top 3 favorite movies. So as embarrassing as it may be to have started plotting out this blog having forgotten completely about The Wire ain’t gonna stop me. Yes, The Wire is probably better than most of the television shows outlined below, but like I said, blame Brian David-Marshall.
Part II: My Top 10 Television Shows of All Time… In This Top 10 List
People are always asking me “what to watch next” so I put together this blog post. This Top 10 list is going to focus more on shows that aren’t on the air any more. For the most part you can get them all on DVD or in some cases you can watch all the eps online via Hulu, YouTube, or the WB (or in the middle of the night on the Disney Channel).
Number Ten – Robotech
Robotech was the first cartoon I ever saw that, despite being a cartoon, dealt with adult themes and more complicated storylines. Characters — even majort characters — died, people’s houses got thrashed when there was a battle, women got pregnant. I watched Robotech largely around age 9, but when I moved to the Cleveland area from western Pennsylvania it played at a terrible time slot relative to when I could, you know, watch tv / cartoons / etc.
Adult themes, and the trials and consequences of war were not the initial hook, of course.
Robotech was about transforming robots blowing up aliens. The main character of the first 1/3 — Rick Hunter — was the quintessential candidate for the Level Up. He went from stunt plane pilot to admiral over the course of a couple of years, and not only got the girl but had every looker from the naive pop star to the jaded older woman fawning all over him.
I was completely obsessed with Robotech for years. Keep in mind this was during a time period when there was no public adoption of the Internet, but involved really cool foreign transforming robots and interesting characters. I bought tons of art books as a kid and consumed every possible Robotech-related tech I possibly could until my sister bought me the complete saga on DVD around 2001 or 2002.
Luckily for you (if you haven’t watched it), all three arcs of the initial Robotech saga are available on Hulu!
I am including a relatively accessible ep; the saga as a whole is an involved, multi-generational, one with plots rebuilt from multiple different Japanese sources. The first part has a brief space battle and some story advancement, but the reason I chose the ep is the last part. The beautiful (and green haired) alien infiltrator Mirya is sent to the good guy space ship to learn more about us earthlings, and mistakes a video arcade for a training ground.
Young hero Max Sterling battles Mirya in a video game (Mirya is the best pilot the bad guys have) and… You’ll have to watch the ep to see what happens next. Rest assured that if all gamers had Max’s skills, we’d all be a lot happier. The internal monologues are priceless.
Number Nine – The Tomorrow People
The Tomorrow People is basically the opposite of Robotech. Rather than a cartoon that dealt with more serious themes, The Tomorrow People was basically the first show I was ever interested in that had actual humans / actors / etc. rather than cartoon characters. The tragedy of The Tomorrow People was that it came on on Nickelodeon about 6pm, i.e. when my Dad was trying to watch the news. So I basically never got to watch my favorite show circa 1984.
To be honest The Tomorrow People — being British — just reminded me of my favorite tv show circa 1980, Dr Who. The fact is that it was just a more terrible version of Dr Who, with worse special effects.
The Tomorrow People was about the next step in human evolution… back in 1974
Number Eight – Disney’s Gargoyles
Gargoyles is basically the best cartoon of all time.
It blends everything from Shakespeare to Iron Man-type concepts with power sources as disparate as magic and science to plain old money. There has really never been anything else like Gargoyles on television, ever, as far as I can recall.
And then it got cancelled.
What happened?
Gargoyles was re-launched as The Goliath Chronicles for a third season of sorts, but it wasn’t the same at all (Saturday morning cartoon rather than daily cartoon with incredible long term plot development and more twists and turns than the letter S). What was the problem?
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
Sadly around 1995 or so I was part of the problem, tuning in for Tommy Oliver and his Drgonzord rather than Disney’s Gargoyles. Unfortunately, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was more or less the most popular television program of all time, so it wasn’t just me… But it was enough.
Gargoyles has had new life breathed into it in graphic novel form, under the direction of the original creator, so that’s something. You can watch it at 4am on Disney XD every night. In fact, tonight’s ep is the first ep ever. I mean if you’re going to be up anyway…
Number Seven – Battlestar Galactica
Yes, the re-imagined mid-2000s series!
I watched the one from 30 or however many years ago as a kid, but who are we kidding?
Battlestar Galactica starts off at the worst possible position — essentially the genocide of the human race — and just gets worse from there. The heroes are outnumbered, out-gunned, and actually infiltrated by the villains from day one. Heck, the heroes are the villains half the time. Battlestar is thought to be a commentary on the War on Terror, and you can see the themes quite clearly if you are looking. The writing is unbelievable. The good guys are in so deep in the first couple of eps of season three, even as an educated Western-raised lad from the U S of A, you may find suicide bombing a completely defensible activity when used against superior forces.
Number Six – Angel
I love Angel.
I like it better than Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
When I want to get pumped up, I watch the last two episodes of Angel, in particular “Not Fade Away” (the last one).
I actually watched those live when the show was first going off the air, right before the birth of my daughter and didn’t like them at the time. When I watched them with director’s commentary, I appreciated what Whedon was trying to do much more. Like I said, I watch these eps to get pumped up… I am pretty sure Sadin and I watched them the night before a PTQ we made the finals of (sorry for punting Steve and Paul).
Number Five – Malcolm in the Middle
Before Arrested Development, there was Malcolm.
Malcolm in the Middle is the story of a boy genius born to a lower middle-class family, and constantly dropped into difficult situations because of the brash natures of his troublemaking older brothers, or sometimes the soul crushing love of his well-meaning but overbearing mother.
Malcolm in the Middle is like The Wonder Years, but without any of the sentimentality. At one point I think it was probably the best comedy on television, but suffered with the emergence of Arrested Development, at which point it got shuffled around a bit in terms of time slot and even night of the week.
The first two seasons are works of inspiration, and the season two ep “Bowling” is probably the best half hour of television you will ever see. I remember watching it with John Shuler at Grand Prix Detroit back in 2001 before we went to dinner… and we just stared at each other after staring at the television screen. What did we just watch? “Bowling” is a work of staggering on-screen choreography, hilarious, and incredibly accessible.
I don’t normally talk things up this much, but I know how good “Bowling” is. It’s not too hard to find online, but I couldn’t find a link from a real / official / well-known site so I elected not to embed it this time around.
Number Four – Rome
Rome transports you to another world.
Actually it is our world, but 2,000 years ago.
All our understanding of the universe as seen through a Judeo-Christian lens is blanked. Our notions of the body, propriety, and so on go out the window.
You want to have an affair? Your body slave is there fanning you.
You step out of line? Your commanding officer threatens to crucify you… and means it.
I think there are only 24 episodes; I heartily recommend tracking them down on DVD or HBO On Demand.
Number Three – Babylon 5
Babylon 5 was my [at least nominal] favorite show until I fell in love with this list’s #1 show. It is without exaggeration the most complicated and layered drama in the history of television.
Babylon 5 was kind of like Lost before there was Lost. The setting — a space station — was one of the main characters. None of the players was 100% what he or she seemed. There were several interplanetary wars, several opportunities to get pumped up or recoil in horror.
Amazingly, the entire saga is available on TheWB.com!
So if you want to explore more, you can do so there.
Just a warning: The entire first season is kind of terrible. The exception would be Signs and Portents (embedded below). The problem is that you can’t not watch the first season because, again, this might be the most complicated and layered show in the history of television; you can’t just skip the entire first season just because it is nowhere near as good as, say, the third or fourth seasons, or the latter part of the fifth.
Just be forewarned: “Signs and Portents” was an awards magnet and hands-down the best episode of the first season, but it is far from the best ep in the series.
Number Two – The Simpsons
Apparently my favorite show on television circa 1997 is still on television!
You go Bart!
Number One – Veronica Mars
Veronica Mars is my all-time favorite television show.
I became acquainted with it via old Top 8 Magic listener Pselus, who recommended it to me just as I am recommending all these ten to you.
Veronica Mars is the kind of show writers love. Obviously the writing is there (including dialogue), but more than that, the story is layered and engaging — and constantly re-engaging — as it explores themes of class, resources, violence, and high school
For those of you who are not familiar with it, Veronica Mars details the adventures of a Nancy Drew-type girl detective (Veronica, obviously)… But imagine this Nancy Drew as a ruthless anti-hero with absolutely no qualms about using her detective skills to destroy her enemies, whether in terms of reputation (it is high school), resources, or literally. Veronica — lovable as she might be — has no qualms about setting her pet biker gang against rivals… and that darker tone is part of what makes her such an amazing character.
I would have just run the first episode ever as an embed, but it wasn’t available on Hulu or the WB. Instead I chose this one “The Rapes of Graff” which is about a rape investigation while Veronica tours a potential college. I ultimately picked it because it is a self-contained episode that guest stars George Michael and Maeby from Arrested Development.
Part II: Oh, the Irony
I actually played a bunch of relevant MTGO since coming back from US Nationals.
I am not going to report on any of that until my most recent article goes up on TCGPlayer (probably Monday), as I don’t want to report any conflicting deck choice data. Suffice it to say that I tried a bunch of the breakout archetypes and there is definitely another deck besides Pyromancer worth sleeving up.
I am probably not going to play much MTGO the next couple of days… Too busy working on this:
Spreading Seas [being awesome] :: My Imaginary Superpower (i.e. the lack thereof) :: Changes to my Hall of Fame Ballot ::
Thinking About Stuff :: also Spreading Seas :: also, My Imaginary Superpower
I finished Nationals this year with five losses.
One match — the first match of the tournament — I punted. I was up a game against Jund after the habitual multiple Spreading Seas opener, plus in the second game my opponent stalled on three for a couple of turns. For some reason I Mana Leaked his second Putrid Leech, but whatever.
Spreading Seas
He stalled on Forest, Swamp, and Dragonskull Summit. I drew Spreading Seas and plopped both it, and my Pyromancer Ascension onto the ‘field (it’s not like I had a Mana Leak to defend the Ascension any longer).
The problem?
I put the Spreading Seas on his Dragonskull Summit.
Ooh, that’s a nonbasic! Ooh!
As soon as I did it — playing too quickly, per usual — I realized I had lost the game. If I had simply played the Spreading Seas on his Forest, I would have been able to power up my Ascension and win over the next two turns. Instead, dead.
So I had five losses at the end of the tournament. That first round was a punt if ever there was one.
The disappointing part of the tournament was going 2-1 / 2-1 in my two M11 drafts. I put in the work on MTGO and simply expected to win both of my drafts. My first draft was a bit soft, but I played my heart out, winning with a mulligan to four against an opponent with five Lightning Bolts in his deck. Unfortunately I lost consecutive games to Overwhelming Stampede in a different pairing (after winning the first, per usual).
My second draft was the worst. I drafted literally the best M11 deck I had ever drafted… Birds, Elves, Merfolk Sovereign, three Scroll Thieves (that is a combo by the way), a ton of Foresees (eight-see you might even say), a ton of Counterspells, great curve, great high end starting with Obstinate Baloth. So playing for the 3-0 I won the first game (see any pattern here?), I kept Island, Forest, Birds of Paradise, and Crystal Ball. I mean who loses to stalling with a second turn Crystal Ball?
I in fact stalled on two until turn five. My opponent’s draw was just too fast. His deck was much weaker than mine (save a lone Mind Control), but he got out his small White creatures and had at least a pair of Pacifisms. He beat me in the third game with a topdecked Pacifism, allowing him to force in the last point when I was drawing 2+ a turn with Scroll Thief, again with Crystal Ball online.
I lost a Constructed match on Day Two, so it’s not like winning that second draft would have guaranteed me Top 8… But I know that at the time, drafting as well as I did, that it felt pretty terrible to lose to stalling on mana with a second turn Crystal Ball.
How many [more] Top 8s might you have if you could finish this sentence… “I would have made Top 8 if…”
How about “if I hit my third land drop”?
I can point to countless tournaments over the course of my life where I would have made Top 8 if I just hit my third land drop.
Can you imagine having a superpower of always hitting your third land drop? Wouldn’t you win so much more? It’s almost obvious that you would.
I never thought about it like this before.
I think that’s why we can’t vote for cheaters.
Imagine some cheater with a ton of Pro Tour Top 8s. A ton of Grand Prix Top 8s. How many of them might he not have if he didn’t have the superpower of hitting his third land drop 100% of the time [or you can replace this with whatever superpower he has]?
What if his opponents are just a tiny bit development shy, like Ryan Fuller always bragged his opponents would be?
What if his opponents don’t have quite enough time to finish a round, due to clock management shenanigans?
Do you think his number of Top 8s might be a hair inflated? Isn’t it willful ignorance, then, to vote for him?
I am not one, usually, to succumb to peer pressure in any context. Advertising, yes (“anything sexy, glossy, well designed, or yummy” according to my wife); but peer pressure, no.
But in this case I decided to fold.
A good number of good men have all pushed the same way, and I decided to revise my 2010 Hall of Fame ballot. I am going to fall back on the Brian David-Marshall rule of not voting for a player with a superpower (aka “a suspension”), at least not first class. While I still admire Saito as a deck designer, to be honest, I was only aware of the [stupid] bribery offense and not his savage attempt to get another player a cheap game loss, even if it was the better part of a decade ago.
Anyway, like Tom Martell says (“Hi Mrs Martell!”)… “Columbus wasn’t nine years ago.”
My pulling my one vote probably won’t affect the outcome of whether or not Saito gets into the Hall of Fame or not this year… And like I said the first time around, he has — resurgently shady reputation or no — proved himself more-or-less both the best player and the best deck designer the past couple of years; but I am still moving my last vote to Anton Jonsson.
Officially revised ballot:
Anton Jonsson
Brian Kibler
Gabriel Nassif
Steve O’Mahoney-Schwartz
Chris Pikula
LOVE
MIKE
PS: You know you want it —
“I can’t believe that is the real cover.”
–Chris Pikula
So I was just watching this week’s episode of Top Chef and I was shocked at who got booted. If you don’t know who had to pack his [or her, but not really] knives and go, ctrl+f “Sunday” and skip the rest of this section.
Anyway, it was ridiculous. Alex, the bald dude whom no one on the show loves (who probably stole Ed’s pea puree and won the motherloving challenge with it two weeks ago) did basically nothing [his teammates didn’t trust him to cook] and instead Kenny — probably the 2d strongest chef on the season — went home on account of being executive chef on the losing team.
At least my girl Kelly is still on the show. Obviously Angelo is the strongest chef this season but I can’t think of a time that the strongest chef won.
Come on Kelly!
Only thing I’m worried about is that Kelly’s palette has been called into question for over-salting a steak, and the fact is that she is a smoker and that is basically like rubbing your tongue against burning leaves while licking a cancer-coated ashtray for fun.
Whatever.
Top Chef inspired me to do another tv-centric blog post. Enjoy!
Sunday
Sunday is the most ridiculous tv night of the week, once again. There are basically a bazillion great shows to watch on Sunday, and I watch them all on account of staying up all night writing for TCGPlayer (I usually turn in my TCGPlayer column on Monday morning).
Big Brother Big Brother is actually on three times a week. I am probably a more engaged fan of Big Brother than I am of Survivor, to be honest. The concept if you have never seen it is like The Real World, but with a more diverse cast typically (the age cutoff on The Real World is 25 or so), and instead of just sticking them into a house in a posh city, they isolate them and people get voted off every week.
The baseline uniform on Big Brother is a bikini for, say, half the house but unfortunately they have already voted off a couple of the lookers this year.
True Blood True Blood is a fantastic television show to watch. I have battled my sister over this a couple of times and I think True Blood imagines Sookie Stackhouse’s universe better than the original Southern Vampire Mysteries. Sookie’s universe is reminiscent of Laurel K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake books but I think that the similar themes are handled more deftly on account of Sookie’s books have not de-volved into 100 page long passages of extremely boring porn. I mean there is a fair amount of smut in the books, but Anita Blake went from celibate to nonstop meat hole about 8 years ago and the books have become unreadable since.
The characterization on the tv show is superior in my opinion. The addition of legitimate visuals makes the shocking more shocking given the supernatural elements. For example this season a vampire is compelled to make sweet vampire love to his former master (mistress, actually) and he doesn’t at all want to / like her despite the fact that she is quite the undead looker. So while being compelled to go to vampire nether-town he breaks her neck and 180s her head… Lethal for a human woman, but just — you know — hot vampire monkey love for the pointy-toothed crowd.
This year it’s mostly werewolves drinking vampire blood. Also, a decent number of decent boobs.
Mad Men
As a marketing director who works on Madison Avenue possessed of truly great hair and undeniable charisma… well… I might have a slightly different perspective than you. I — like the Emmy panel — feel like Mad Men is more-or-less the best show on television.
Hung
Hung is pretty good. It is about a high school teacher (and the Punisher before Titus Pullo, but after He-Man) who makes extra bank by working as a male prostitute. Also, boobs; plus the occasional short and curlies.
Entourage
Adrian Grenier plays a Marky Mark-type character surrounded by his high school buddies as he navigates success, riches, and a neverending river of beautiful concubines. This season (the last?) had my second favorite episode of the show’s storied run, so I am mad digging it. Also Sasha Grey plays, um, herself this season… so boobs.
Rubicon
I haven’t watched this yet but given how awesome Breaking Bad and Mad Men are, I assume this is like the third best show on television (care of AMC, of course).
Monday
I usually just catch up on USA tv shows that I DVR’d other times during the week while I work on my DailyMTG column. No idea what actually plays on Monday.
However Weeds is coming back next week! Weeds jumped the shark long ago but it is still fun to watch. Weeds is in fact the perfect implementation of “the breakout novel” … Basically you put your characters in “the shit” and then put them deeper and deeper into it.
You’d think that a such a MILF-focused show would have more boobs, but nope. Still, great fun.
Tuesday
I used to watch Breakthrough With Tony Robbins, but apparently I was the only one.
Actually I don’t know how that is possible. In the first episode Tony threw a quadriplegic out of an airplane in like the first 15 minutes. Shrug.
I think White Collar comes on on Tuesdays but like I said I only watch USA stuff on DVR so it doesn’t really matter. I was surprised how much I liked White Collar, but probably shouldn’t have been because I absolutely adore Psych; I can only assume Covert Affairs is awesome (it’s basically a sluttier version of Alias, which was in its first 1-3 seasons one of the best shows on television before the creator got bored and accidentally invented Lost), plus I like all the USA stuff apparently.
Wednesday
Wednesday is a strange tv night for me because I am literally never home. Wednesday night a bunch of us attend Movie Klub — transplanted to New York by Lan D. Ho — at Jon Finkel’s house. So I watch whatever we are watching at Movie Klub and then have Shake Shack for dinner. In fact, my love of Shake Shack comes directly from Movie Klub. Believe it or not, I had never gone to Shake Shack before last summer, at the behest of Jonny and Lan.
That said, Wednesday is pregnant with fine tv.
At eight we have another ep of Big Brother (typically the coverage of the weekly veto competition), but also Top Chef and Psych.
Psych is, given the current available shows to choose from, probably the show I look forward to the most every week. It is lighthearted and decidedly not-deep, but on balance Psych has literally the best dialogue on tv. Bar none. The situations are ludicrous and the talkie talkie matches that quite well. I always laugh and I always want more. Plus the co-star is Dule Hill, who played my favorite character on The West Wing.
Thursday
Who knows what is on tv on Thursday? Sometimes I check out a 30 Rock re-run but mostly it is just Big Brother and watching whatever else I missed Wednesday night.
Friday
Friday is basically Date Night in the Flores household. We catch up on whatever we missed during the week (together) or catch a movie.
Saturday
Here is another night with nothing in particular right this second.
However even though it is cheating (Dr. Who ended two or three weeks ago) I just wanted to throw another shout out to my favorite tv show from age five. This past season with Matt Smith as the 11th Doctor has been one of the best seasons ever. In particular the last three eps were pure music.
I would particularly like to call attention to episode 11, “The Lodger”. Last time I did one of these posts I was able to share “Blink” — the consensus all-time best episode of Dr. Who. “The Lodger” is a close second… and much different. “Blink” is a horror episode that barely features the Doctor. In “The Lodger” the Doctor moves into a bachelor’s spare room while he investigates an alien upstairs. It is basically The Odd Couple — hilarious and uncomfortable — with the Doctor playing soccer, filling in for his hapless roommate at work, and engineering a sappy and predictable romance.
Even my wife — who typical for a beautiful and educated woman — does not typically go for the SF loved it.
No embedding this time; I couldn’t find “The Lodger” on YouTube, but it is still playing on BBC America On Demand. I recommend you go there immediately and spend 40 minutes on some charming comedy / SF.
Anyway, that’s it.
For the die-hards out there, I will probably get to updating more regularly after Nationals (or even early next week as I am taking a couple of days off before I fly out to Minneapolis). I have been spending the time I usually blog on actually playing Magic.
So I got my 2010 Magic Pro Tour Selection Committee Hall of Fame ballot today.
In case you guys haven’t been reading for that long, the first ever post on this blog was my 2008 Hall of Fame ballot; way back on October 6, 2008. You can check that action out here (and by “here” I mean, like, this awesome blog).
Anyway there are a bunch of people eligible for Hall of Fame this year; I am not going to list them all. Instead I am just going to run out my gut-pulls:
Marco Blume
William Jensen
Scott Johns
Anton Jonsson
Brian Kibler
Katsuhiro Mori
Gabriel Nassif
Daniel O’Mahoney-Schwartz
Steve O’Mahoney-Schwartz
Chris Pikula
Carlos Romao
Tomoharu Saito
I have voted for more than one of these players in the past.
They are all deserving misers but a man gets only five Hall of Fame ballot votes. Briefly…
Marco Blume
I always chuckle when I read Marco’s name. I wrote an article on Ponza ~11 years ago which was viciously plagiarized by The Pojo. You can still read “their” article, which has “Maro” Blume credited with a German Ponza deck, a misspelling I made all those many years ago, surviving still on “theirs”.
[LOL! I hadn’t read the 2008 ballot before writing this, and didn’t realize that I had just re-bought my own line from two years ago.]
William Jensen
Billy “Baby Huey” Jensen has a better resume than a fair number of the people already in the Hall of Fame. It’s basically silly he hasn’t been inducted yet. I’ve learned a lot from him.
Scott Johns
Ditto on William Jensen. Scott is a Pro Tour winner with five Top 8s and years of service to the community.
Anton Jonsson
To be honest I didn’t have the Limited master on my original short list but when i sorted the 2010 candidate pool and saw how many Top 8s he had, it seemed negligent not to consider him. Unfortunately I have little frame of reference on Anton’s game, but he comes very highly recommended by friends like Brian David-Marshall and Teddy Card Game.
Brian Kibler
I had already decided to vote for my old Underground and Team Red Bull teammate the Dragonmaster last year. Then he went and won a Pro Tour and Grand Prix and so on. Kibs is going to be a landslide this year and I plan to jump on.
Katsuhiro Mori
A few weeks ago I had this conversation with Zvi Mowshowitz:
Me: What are the chances someone other than Katsuhiro Mori has the MTGO nickname “Katsuhiro Mori”?
Zvi: Pretty low, why?
Me: Because I just bashed him in a queue, but I kind of don’t believe it was really him.
Zvi: No?
Me: He was playing Mono-Red.
Zvi: What were you playing?
Me: Eldrazi of course. Can’t lose; I mulled to five Game One and 2-0’d him anyway.
Zvi: Nah couldn’t have been him, but weird MTGO name.
Katsu is super fun to play against, for fun at least (I have never played him in a tournament). He once beat me in same-deck of Pierre Canali’s U/R Wafo-Tapa deck. He was super tricky, which is about par for the course for him.
Gabriel Nassif
Hat is basically everyone’s hero (mine included). Neither Jon nor Kai (nor Bob, nor Dirk) got unanimous inductions, so I greatly doubt Nassif will. But he’s certainly got This Girl’s vote.
Daniel O’Mahoney-Schwartz
It was just Danny OMS’s birthday! Happy birthday Danny OMS! Katherine and the kids and I are going to Shake Shack with him this weekend. Dan is a good friend and I hang out with him pretty much every week. However My annual OMS brother vote is going to…
Steve O’Mahoney-Schwartz
Should have voted him in first class. My bad.
Chris Pikula
Ditto on Chris.
Carlos Romao
There are few Constructed players I admire as much as Carlos. The Psychatog master just added a notch to his already much-perforated belt with a Planeswalker Top 8 that helped cement little Jace as a pre-emptive Staple in Standard.
Tomoharu Saito
Not only did his just win another big tournament, but he’s basically the best deck designer in the world.
This year I decided to do something different moving from the short list to the shorter list. I am just going to run all the automatic votes and see how many slots I have left over.
As I am not a buffoon I am obviously voting for Nassif, Saito, and Kibler; master, master, and DragonMaster. I think Nassif is as worthy a unanimous ballot-gatherer as ever drew breath. Saito has been around the best player in the world for some years if not the clear best. I wouldn’t have half so much glory as a deck designer if he hadn’t helped Andre Coimbra in the Extended portion of Worlds; so mise! Like I said, I was going to vote for Kibler even before he won that Pro Tour and Grand Prix because in order for the American block to start getting our O’Mahoney-Schwartz brothers and Pikulas into the Hall of Fame we have to stop fracturing our votes. That means getting our deserving boys off the ballot and into the Hall of Fame so that we can make more room for our, you know, additional deserving boys. That starts with Kibler. Congratulations old friend. The enemy’s gate is down!
With two votes left, that makes for a wonderfully convenient number of openings for SteveO and Chris.
Final ballot:
Brian Kibler
Gabriel Nassif
Steve O’Mahoney-Schwartz
Chris Pikula
Tomoharu Saito
Inferno Titan ∙ Sun Titan ∙ Frost Titan
Grave Titan ∙ Primeval Titan ∙ … and why Inferno Titan really the best card in Standard!
Well, at least that’s what my Twitter bud @Triphos asked me to say 🙂
But who can say no to someone with a Patsy Walker crafted by Colleen Coover as his Twitter icon?
Anyway, even though seemingly every article on the Magic Internet two weeks ago was about Titans (and then every article this week was about actual Titanic Titan performances) there has been relatively little practical comparison of how the Titans really roll. And by “roll” I mean… How much effective mana do these Titans tally?
Inferno Titan
Let’s break down the Titans. Basically they mirror the Kamigawa Dragon cycle… They all cost six and have the same frame; rather than being 5/5 flying creatures, these are all six mana 6/6 creatures. In addition each Titan has some kind of superpower that 187s the battlefield not just when the Titan comes into play, but every time it attacks!
Yes, you heard it here first.
Sun Titan We talked about Sun Titan back when it was “merely” the It Girl-to-be come M11 Prerelease time. Now… Actually a contender for the best Titan performer. When we originally wrote about Sun Titan, we didn’t yet know about the competition in the cycle… What about Sun Titan’s 187?
Whenever Sun Titan enters the battlefield or attacks, you may return target permanent card with converted mana cost 3 or less from your graveyard to the battlefield.
This ability has a variable mana effect. It can be as little as one (getting back some kind of one mana doodad that is actually worth one mana) and as much as a free Jace Beleren (probably an immediate mana value of, again, one… But with the promise of more one mana packets of “drawing one card” value). In case you were wondering, buying an untapped land directly into play is worth slightly more than two mana; for reference: Rampant Growth.
It may be worth noting that among all the Titans, Sun Titan’s ability may be the least reliable. That is, if you haven’t got a saucy target in the bin, no dice.
Frost Titan Originally I was a seller of Frost Titan, but the Big Blue of the Titan Team has grown on me. You may recall that in my first speculative article on TCGPlayer.com I suggested a U/G/R Titan / Destructive Force strategy including Garruk, Jace, some obvious cards like Cultivate and a less obvious duo of Frost Titans.
Well lo and behold!
I mean some of the details are off (Lightning Bolt and Mana Leak over beloved Spreading Seas for instance), but the old girl still has some gas in her.
Okay! What about Frost Titan’s 187 ability?
Whenever Frost Titan enters the battlefield or attacks, tap target permanent. It doesn’t untap during its controller’s next untap step.
Despite the ability to trump another Titan going long, or lock down lands after a Destructive Force, I put Frost Titan’s ability at a value of one mana (about a Twiddle).
It may be worth noting that between the regular keyword abilities like Vigilance and Trample, Deathtouch and “Firebreathing” … Frost Titan probably has the best of the bunch; it is the most durable besides…
Grave Titan Wow!
How are you supposed to kill a 6/6 Black creature? Yes, yes… Martial Coup or the equivalent still works just fine… But Grave Titan is yet quite the durable army in a one-man package.
And its 187?
Whenever Grave Titan enters the battlefield or attacks, put two 2/2 black Zombie creature tokens onto the battlefield.
This one’s mana is a bit difficult to evaluate on a single-ability basis. Sun Titan is not exactly comparable to known effects, but the value of what you are actually getting back is a fine clue. Frost Titan is like a Twiddle or an activation on an Icy Manipulator… But what makes two 2/2 creatures?
I would shudder at calling it a Grizzly Fate because I don’ t know if anyone would pay five mana just for the two 2/2s (though they are Black, which is a durability upgrade generally). I think that a more reasonable approximation would be WW, though I would be willing to take some input on this.
Inferno Titan And we return to the best card in Standard!
[not really]
Inferno Titan’s 187 is very familiar to many of us, and hearkens back to one of the most skill-intensive periods in Magic’s history. The aforementioned ability basically attaches an Arc Lightning to a firebreathing 6/6:
Whenever Inferno Titan enters the battlefield or attacks, it deals 3 damage divided as you choose among one, two, or three target creatures and/or players.
So what is this worth?
The easy answer is 2R — exactly the cost of an Arc Lightning. That might be defensible on the basis of Arc Lightning’s rampant popularity back in 1999 and the fact that we would probably pay 2R for the effect now in 2010. [Firestarter: How does Arc Lightning, in your estimation, compare to Staggershock?]
However I think that a more reasonable estimation of its value is R + .5 mana. I feel like two damage is worth about one mana, and this makes three, or one-and-a-half mana worth of value. That you can split it across multiple bodies is gravy.
Primeval Titan Primeval Titan is probably as good as the hype. Not only does it have Trample (Josh Ravitz’s favorite keyword slapped onto an animal), but this impressive 187:
Whenever Primeval Titan enters the battlefield or attacks, you may search your library for up to two land cards, put them onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle your library.
How much is that one worth?
More than four.
More than “I win” mana according to the Zvi Mowshowitz scale!
Not equal to “I win” mana… More!
Why is it worth more? Is it because we earlier referenced Rampant Growth saying that was worth (unsurprisingly) about two mana? Nothing so fuzzy around the edges my dear students.
Don’t forget that in previous formats we had Block-dominating effects for G3 that weren’t as good as a Primeval Titan’s repeating 187.
Don’t forget that Explosive Vegetation was an absolute monster and that the venerated team in Renton, WA changed the Legend Rule partly because Billy Jensen failed to win the Pro Tour due to Osyp Lebedowicz’s playing Akroma first when Billy otherwise had a highly likelihood of winning. Primeval Titan can do everything we would be willing to pay four mana to do with Explosive Vegetation… But can do even more! Can Primeval Titan get a ho-hum Forest and Mountain like Explosive Vegetation did? Sure? But it is more interesting when it is getting cards like Valakut, the Molten Pinnacle, isn’t it? Or perhaps when Valakut is already online a pair of Mountains? Isn’t that kind of like twice as good as Inferno Titan (which we have already decreed the best card in Standard)? Dealing two different packets of three damage instead of splitting up one (as good as that can be)?
Well at least we know why Primeval Titan has the price tag it does.
Dark Tutelage ∙ Phyrexian Arena ∙ Dark Confidant
being overrated ∙ killing yourself ∙ … and Dark Tutelage
A lot of people have asked me why I haven’t added Dark Tutelage to any Top 10 (and by “Top 10” I clearly mean Top 11) Lists, and deck lists, any laundry lists, &c.
I had to go look the card up after the first incoming email.
First: Was this the same card I thought it was?
Yep.
So: Why the hell is everyone asking me this question?
As far as I can tell, Dark Tutelage stinks.
Dark Tutelage
Superficial comparisons:
Superficial Comparison #1 – Phyrexian Arena
I’ve played Phyrexian Arena a couple of times (I even came within one game of winning a PTQ once), but I never really liked it. Phyrexian Arena — back in the Beach House days — was mostly important so that you didn’t fall behind another Beach House deck should it have come to an attrition mirror; a lot like Jace, the Mind Sculptor in a lot of decks… It wasn’t really proximate to winning, but could be necessary to avoid being blown out. Because when one person has one and the other one doesn’t, he is going to get ahead due to the opponent’s [probable] softness in the threats department.
Anyway, Phyrexian Arena was never really that great; it was just whatever with a small up-front investment; but each incremental card (after maybe the first) was relatively discounted. A card is worth about two damage, so paying only one life for an incremental card (with no parallel mana commitment) would put you ahead and further ahead over time (theoretically); like I said, I have never really liked Phyrexian Arena very much.
Dark Tutelage is like awful by comparison.
Remember: The bar isn’t very high.
Same effect as Phyrexian Arena, same CMC (three versus three), but generally much higher investment in life.
If you are flipping lands 100% of the time (or even cheap cards like Duress or, I dunno, Scute Mob, it’s basically the same (or maybe better). However you’re probably going to be wanting to draw real cards. At the point that you are flipping twos, you are actually handing Shocks to your opponent… Shocks he doesn’t have to pay for. If you are flipping more expensive cards, you’re just falling the eff behind. It can be a disaster!
Caveat: There are two things that can be plus signs, even given this framework. First of all, you can conceivably side this in against [another] mid-range control deck; you can edge them in the same way that Phyrexian Arena was pivotal in the Beach House mirror.
Remember: Dark Tutelage is easier to cast than Phyrexian Arena, being 2B rather than 1BB… Not that that probably matters given the awesome mana bases we get to play with.
Superficial Comparison #2 – Dark Confidant
As you probably know, I feel like Dark Confidant is the most overrated card of all time. That isn’t to say it’s bad, just not the best creature of all time or whatever. Dark Confidant is basically Kobe Bryant. Not only does it have Fortier’s PT win under its belt and the Billy-Sadin connection (you know, like TCGPlayer.com) with The Best Deck of All Time, but Bob Maher’s smiling face. Good! Yes! It’s good! Just not the best of all time.
That said, Dark Confidant is a disaster about half the time.
Most of the reason that it looks so damn good is that people don’t know how to play against Dark Confidant. I have stood in the Feature Match of a Pro Tour and watched a player coming off a Top 8 that season burn three consecutive Dark Confidants in a game where he had six burn spells in his hand. I mean that is just terrible. His opponent obviously won as he had exhausted all of his resources instead of easily killing him like he was supposed to. Of course Dark Confidant looks good if you are going to donkey punch yourself.
Anyway, Dark Confidant is often a disaster. I think lifetime I have won half my games against Dark Confidant proximately because my opponent killed himself. My overall win percentage in games where my opponent plays Dark Confidant is something ludicrous like 80%-plus; BDM says that’s because I play weirdo decks, but half the time I just have something like a Jitte or an Exalted Angel and my opponent has problems racing two different ways. Whatever; it’s a disaster a lot of the time.
I would even go so far as to say that I have had no way to win but my opponent played a Dark Confidant. I remember one PTQ I was playing for X-2 v. a name player (you would know this player). I lost the first due to being a donkey. Game Two we are at a standoff. I have Jitte; opponent has Sword. Nobody wants to brawl. We just accumulate more and more animals on both sides of the table. Call of the Herd tokens; I have Baloths; opp with Troll Ascetic. But there aren’t really any attacks. If I move forward I will start accumulating Jitte counters but I will lose a guy to gang blocking, and Sword is going to keep me from any mid-combat shenanigans. Opp can’t swing, even with Troll; I will accumulate Jitte counters for free because my defense is big enough.
Then Dark Confidant comes down — ostensibly to bust the game wide open with card advantage — and it does; by giving me a way to win!
That is how most of my games v. Dark Confidant have gone, lifetime.
And Dark Confidant still pees all over Dark Tutelage.
First of all (and ironically in the “mathematics” case), 2 > 3.
That’s right, two is bigger and bolder and better than three. Dark Confidant is cheaper and gets his first card first.
Secondly, Dark Confidant helps you race the face. Both cards are going to hurt you, but Bob at least smashes the face back. You are less likely to kill yourself with stupid Dark [whatever] damage if you’ve killed the opponent to death.
Most importantly, Dark Confidant — besides bashing for two like a good little Bear — is a 2/1 creature. A 2/1 has one toughness… Basically the smallest possible toughness! You can kill your own Dark Confidant if it seems like you are going to die to it! There are lots of different ways but my favorite one is this:
“I once had to Hit my own Dark Confidant after I had flipped Hit // Run with it. Embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as it was for my opponent. I won that game.”
-Patrick Sullivan
Dark Tutelage on the other hand is an enchantment; Black is basically awful at killing enchantments. That’s part of what makes it cute. Har har, you can’t kill your own Necropotence! This time around, you’re probably going to flip over like a Grave Titan.
You deserved it for playing Dark Tutelage in your Grave Titan deck.
LOVE
MIKE
Most embarrassing Dark Confidant story:
At that PT that LSV won with Elves, Andre Coimbra went x-1 v. Zoo (most popular deck), largely because his Flores Blue* deck had all Islands and didn’t take damage from its own lands. Anyway, he’s full on ahead in a Game Three situation v. some Zoo deck. He has it all… Jitte on board even! Opponent has nil, topdecks a Dark Confidant. Andre steals its face with like a Vedalken Shackles or perhaps a Threads of Disloyalty.
Looks like Magic 2011 is going to be a set where tournament staples of times past are just going to be strictly outmoded by the M11 versions.
If you don’t have a lot of context, War Priest of Thune might just look like a pretty good 187 creature. That doesn’t quite capture it… War Priest of Thune is in fact full court bananas. You see there used to be a creature Monk Realist; Monk Realist was played main deck in basically all of the Survival of the Fittest decks of its era.
… And War Priest of Thune is twice the man Monk Realist was.
Monk Realist — also a Cleric mind you, so there isn’t much wiggle room around creature type — was a mere 1/1 creature for the same 1W mana cost.
And now that there is a new Survival of the Fittest with legs? I think War Priest of Thune might just pick up where Monk Realist left off ten years ago.
Of course a 2/2 for two mana with a very serviceable special ability (I’m looking at you Oblivion Ring) is plenty good enough for regular old inclusion in a beatdown strategy. I don’t know that I would want to be the Pyromancer Ascension rogue in the room once the War Priest comes legal.
Snap Judgment Rating – Role Player (high); Staple (in White-enabled Fauna Shaman decks [one-of])
One of the exciting new M11 cards that seems to be a “goes straight in” for Red Decks is Ember Hauler:
Ember Hauler
Ember Hauler is efficient. He is a 2/2 for two mana, and unlike previously “good enough” Red two drops like Ironclaw Orcs or Goblin Raider (I actually remember having a conversation with Randy Buehler where he told me he made sure to have Goblin Raider in the Core Set to make sure Dave Price had a two drop), instead of a crazy drawback… it has a crazy superpower!
There is a clear precedent for this card. Remember Tsuyoshi Fujita’s Extended Boros Deck Wins deck? The old man played four copies of Goblin Legionnaire.
Ember Hauler is like a Goblin Legionnaire that only has the “Red” ability.
Ember Hauler is clearly better insofar that you don’t have to play White to play it; plus, no one has ever played Goblin Legionnaire’s White ability in Constructed combat. No, never, not one time.
So: advantage Ember Hauler.
In addition, there are subtle plus-ones for Ember Hauler. Sure, neither one can run by a Silver Knight… But unlike the supposedly better Gold plated version, Ember Hauler can set up a Malakir Bloodwitch for a Searing Blaze instead of being ignored [like, you know, the White ability on Goblin Legionnaire].
Advantage Ember Hauler.
So if all those advantages weren’t enough, Ember Hauler costs two colored mana to play (same as Goblin Legionnaire), but unlike the Apocalypse Gold Goblin, Ember Hauler’s operating mana is colorless! So if you have a stray Tectonic Edge or whatever, you can funnel that mana into Ember Hauler instead of having to make sure you didn’t spend all your Mountains at the main phase candy store before passing the turn. This is probably going to be at least medium important for the “chump block that giant and deal to to your motherlovin’ face” phase of the Red v. Green matchup, as you desperately hope to draw burn before being overrun (or possibly even Overrun).
Advantage. Ember. Hauler.
So Goblin Legionnaire was good enough. Good enough in fact to Top 8 an Extended Pro Tour against Psychatog and Life from the Loam. By all early indications, Ember Hauler is just the better Goblin Legionnaire (minus the goofball eviscerated Healing Salve wannabe that no one ever played anyway).
So why does this blog post speculate on the “Cons” of Ember Hauler?
Other than the possibility of opportunity cost (the great Katsu Mori found room for only two Kargan Dragonlords, leaning on old school Hellspark Elementals on two, instead), there is just one:
No more damage on the stack.
Part of the reason Goblin Legionnaire was such a bruiser was that with damage on the stack, he was a 2/2 that could play like a 4/2 (or I guess in pretend unicorn land he could tackle the opponent’s x/2 and save two points of damage or maybe win some fight elsewhere). Ember Hauler lives in a different universe.
Who’d win, Hulk or Superman?
I mean any reasonable person would just say “Hulk” — and the fact of the matter is that the Hulk is the strongest one there is, and the Hulk writers say they wrote him to be able to beat up Superman if it ever came down to it…
But Superman is the poster boy of a different universe.
Can you have a conversation that includes both Hulk and Supes? Yes.
Will fanboys agree as to who would win this battle of biceps? No.
Does it really matter? Again no.
They are from different universes and don’t really meet under regular circumstances. That is the problem with Goblin Legionnaire and Ember Hauler. The new mono-Red guy seems like it might be better — certainly comparable — but because they exist / existed in such non-compatible environments, the comparison is almost moo (you know, like a cow’s opinion).
M11 Rare Phylactery Lich – It sure ain’t a Role Player.
In the unlikely case you haven’t seen it:
Phylactery Lich
Phylactery Lich is certainly powerful. It is like a Phyrexian Negator… But instead of tearing apart your board when he tussles, Phylactery Lich annihilates eradicates anything that gets into the Arena with it. Not even a first striking Baneslayer Angel can walk away from a brawl with this indestructible Zombie.
And what a cut of Zombie it is!
Phylactery Lich is absolutely gorgeous. Usually I don’t cotton to Black cards’ art, but this painting is just perfect. It evokes the fear and flavor of the old AD&D Liches; great light; great variation of detail; great power-to-casting cost ratio.
Okay, back to the Magic: The Gathering strategy.
A 5/5 indestructible creature for only three mana is a near no-brainer in terms of playability… Only there is that whole:
As Phylactery Lich enters the battlefield, put a phylactery counter on an artifact you control.
…
When you control no permanents with phylactery counters on them, sacrifice Phylactery Lich.
Basically:
You need to have an artifact in play when you play Phylactery Lich.
You need to have enough cheap artifacts in your deck to have an artifact in play when you play Phylactery Lich… and they have to be good enough to play in Constructed even if you don’t have Phylactery Lich in your opening hand.
That is the problem.
There are plenty of reasons to play a 5/5 for three mana… The question is if there are enough artifacts to play in Standard to play this particular 5/5 for three.
Kai Budde won his first Pro Tour — if you can even count the 1999 World Championships as a Pro Tour — with the card Covetous Dragon; which is kind of like a Red parallel to Phylactery Lich. You had to have an artifact in play for Covetous Dragon — not a particular artifact mind you — but even that card (arguably less powerful than Phylactery Lich) was good enough to build around.
Some notes:
A well-placed bounce spell is going to kill Phylactery Lich. To death.
Multiple Phylactery Liches can all jump on the same phylactery counter-wearing artifact. That means if you run it on a Relic of Progenitous or Armillary Sphere (and you have to spend it), np.
Some artifacts that are cheaper than Phylactery Lich and might be worth playing:
Phylactery Lich isn’t a Staple; it doesn’t “go in decks” (unless they are Black artifact decks!) … You have to build around it.
Phylactery Lich isn’t a Role Player; as above.
It’s really a question of Flagship or Constructed Unplayable.
Why it might be Flagship
Phylactery Lich is just TDG. Relic of Progenitus is good enough against Vengevine and Bloodghast, Scepter of Fugue is good enough against Mana Leak, and Phylactery Lich is good enough at rasslin’
Pepper with Consume the Meek, Consuming Vapors, and All is Dust.
Potential Problem – All is Dust doesn’t care that Phylactery Lich is indestructible.
Why it is probably Constructed Unplayable
You can make a deck… It just isn’t good enough.
We shall see.
I think that the presence of Nantuko Shade in M11 is a good omen for this cool new card. I’m pulling for you Phylactery Lich!
While it’s not a clear upgrade to any of the staple big bad fours in Green, Obstinate Baloth has the bonus superpower of showing up just as onetime Staple — and for that matter “best card in Standard” — Loxodon Hierarch evaporates from the Extended format. So despite the loss of Ravnica Block, the tradition of an efficient 4/4 Green creature for four mana, that somehow (either coming down or leaving town) can gain four life lives on in Standard and Extended.
As for Standard, I like this card in general. I mean it is an efficient 4/4 creature for four mana. Most of you kids out there probably don’t recall that once upon a time Erhnam Djinn (4/5 with a drawback for four mana) was the most fearsome offensive creature in Standard, and for that matter Nettletooth Djinn (4/4 with a serious drawback for four mana) was played in Pro Tour Top 16 Constructed decks. So as for precedent, it is clearly there already, not a lot of convincing has to go on here.
I like it in particular in Standard.
Right now one of the top “anti-” decks is Red Deck Wins and its cousins (Barely Boros, Devastating Red, and what have you); that deck in particular beats up on U/G Turboland to the point of making Turboland non-viable if there is any expectation of Red Deck Wins.
You probably already know that after Pro Tour San Juan BDM wanted to play a deck based around Lotus Cobra, Oracle of Mul Daya, and Jace, the Mind Sculptor but I objected on the grounds that any of the three parts that make that deck roll fold in embarassing fashion to Lightning Bolt. In order for U/G Turboland to be viable in the format, it needs a nigh-transformative plan for Red Deck Wins… I think that a counter-offense that relies somewhat on Obstinate Baloth is a good start. The card will typically require two non-Flame Slash cards to remove, and the 187 on Obstinate Baloth is the equivalent of two Red cards in counting to begin with.
In a word: Mise.
What about the other application?
I don’t know that you would play the card for just the second ability, but you don’t really have to make that decision. Dave Humpherys once won a Grand Prix with main-deck Dodecapod, but that might have been a special case (Probe, Recoil, Gerrard’s Verdict, and Ravenous Rats were all Staple at the time); we know how good Wilt-Leaf Liege was last year, played everywhere from White Weenie to Doran variants to of course Elves. So the second half is also quite good… Especially in a format that is so friendly towards Blightning.
Seems like this cat (and by “cat” I of course mean “Beast”) would play nicely with our old buddy (and by “old” I mean “new”), Vengevine. Not only is Obstinate Baloth potential fuel, but they are such jolly “I hate Blightning” friends; heck, they even share a mana cost.
