(hip) Fracturing Gust

This is a picture of Fracturing Gust. That is about all this blog post has to do with Fracturing Gust 🙂

Part One:
You might have seen this response RE: the previous blog post about Primal Command:

For those of you who don’t know, oscar_liebowitz is my alleged friend Osyp Lebedowicz.

I called him back asking what he meant by that. He said that once upon a time I was a great deck designer but now I am making decks that are “awkwarder and awkwarder.”

This is interesting for a couple of reasons (speaking of awkwarder)… and because Osyp was the last friend I called before what happened on the walk home.

Part Two:
So I was walking up 8th Avenue tonight. I often walk from my office on about 39th Street to 59th Street – Columbus Circle on the way home, just to gather my thoughts and stretch my legs before holing up to my “second job” which includes blogging, analyzing decks for the mother ship, making awesome Magic videos, and of course writing my new book on PPC Marketing for Wiley-Sybex.

But that walk home takes me past the Port Authority.

For those of you who don’t know, the Port Authority is a bus station, but also where anything miserable and slimey goes to die. There was a time when BDM and his wife would not eat anywhere within two blocks of the Port Authority. My wife has been on juries adjudicating undercover cop drug busts that took place in broad daylight right in front of the motherloving Port Authority. Tonight I saw the awkwardest fight ever… in front of the Port Authority.

I don’t know exactly why what will eventually be deemed the awkwardest fight ever took place, but as far as I can tell, the conflict erupted between a cabbie and a [potential?] customer and his girlfriend. I am not sure why they fought but my wife speculates the couple didn’t want to pay? I dunno. All I know is what I saw.

AND WHAT I SAW WAS THREE PEOPLE THROWING DOWN!

I mean they were trying to kill each other.

Really.

And it was motherloving awkward.

The non-cabbie guy (he had a nice shirt, by the way) and the cabbie were flailing at each other with open-handed head shots, but really undisciplined-like. It was like they were playing motorboat, but instead of a girl’s boobies, they were trying to motorboat each other’s noggins. And instead of fighting like grown men, it was all these limp-fingered open-handed noodle arms.

Yet it was also like a tag team battle, with guy + girlfriend v. cabbie, but really chaotic.

All I was thinking while I walked by was I am pretty sure I can take either of these guys.

The pièce de résistance was when the customer wound up for a roundhouse kick — I mean he pulled back to go all Karate Kid on the cabbie — and then he hit his girlfriend in the hip! HE HIT HIS GIRLFRIEND INSTEAD OF THE CABBIE.

In Magic terms it’s like he Ninjitsu-ed Ink-Eyes, Servant of Oni into play in order to reanimate Ink-Eyes, Servant of Oni. Hi-ya!

Of course that guy was on his back about a second later and open-handed motorboat cabbie was all over him, but instead of a Matt Hughes-like finish the cops appeared and broke it up. So we will never know who really would have won.

Oh well.

Maybe tomorrow I will write about Rhox Meditant 🙂

Part Three:
Oh so what did any of this have to do with Osyp?

He was the last person I had called on my cell phone, and I had to call and tell somebody about this while it was still fresh in my mind.

Osyp convinced me to blog about it instead of, you know, Rhox Meditant.

I convinced him (I think) to game with Jund Mana Ramp (not awkward at all) on basis that it is basically the URzaTron deck we made for the last Honolulu 🙂

LOVE
MIKE

Currently Reading: Gotham Central Vol. 5: Dead Robin (Batman)