Just going to apologize up front.
I had two sheets of folded up paper in my man-purse. I threw one of them away. I pulled the other out just now to write this (terrible) tournament report and realized I had thrown away my notes from the actual tournament I played in and kept one probably from like a PTQ last summer or perhaps an old grocery list.
So basically I am going to get ~80% of the details wrong, not remember anyone’s name, etc.
Deck:
You know the deck.
Car ride:
I rode in with Josh, Chris Lachmann, and two of Josh’s good friends, Eugene and Sharbel. The last time we had more-or-less this configuration was a Philadelphia PTQ (the one I played Slide), which was minus Sharbel. Chris won, Josh and I finished in the packs (aka first loser). Josh played G/W Tokens, Eugene played U/R Swans, Sharbel played Blightning Beatdown, and I played my Jund Mana Ramp deck obviously.
Last-minute cards:
I tried to buy Karrthus, Tyrant of Jund on-site and it was like $8. No way. So I am running around trying to mise Karrthus to no avail. I go back to the dealers. Five dealers. No Karrthus. Karrthus is sold out! Part of me grins; the other part is like “Man, I hope I don’t hit any mirrors.”
I am writing down my deck list with two Terrors and Phil Napoli (aka PNaps) flips a Karrthus at me. “I thought you didn’t have any,” I say. Phil grins and says he didn’t have any in his bag. His car was another story. Due to the generosity of people like Good Man Dan (also playing same 75 due to following the two blogs and listening to the ‘casts) Will and I had Tyrants to spare.
Most of my deck including signed fancy basic lands was courtesy of Josh Ravitz; Luis Neiman (aka Luis not Vargas, Stan Bush heartbreaker) generously provided my final Kitchen Finks and a set of deadly Anathemancers.
Blah blah blah.
Tournament.
Round One – Blightning Beatdown
Again, I don’t have my notes and have therefore successfully lost most everyone’s name.
As I’ve said previously Blightning/RDW and Fae were the two decks I was most frightened of. The reason is that I think I have a good matchup against Blightning/RDW but my deck can stumble inside of turn four, and the Red Deck might put me in a no-win position before I cast anything meaningful. Fae I have a great matchup there, but Fae is Fae and I have lost to enough Mistbind Cliques over the past two years to have any moronic ideas about Fae’s demise (Josh actually theorizes it might be the best deck again as soon as next week in the PTQs).
Anyway this Blightning matchup was super easy. No real details. He didn’t kill me. I won the flip. I ran out my accelerators and speed-bumps and dropped at least two Broodmate Dragons per game. He tied up his cards going in the hole trying to contain the Dragons, but you know how that goes.
1-0/2-0
Round Two – U/R Swans
I actually got paired against Eugene super early. Eugene has a great fear of Treetop Villages, which ended up being warranted in this matchup. I did like nine with Villages in game one. Eugene hit all his land drops but they were like Ghitu Encampment and multiple Mutavaults, so even though he hit like seven in a row he couldn’t play his UUU cards such as Plumeveil and Cryptic Command, ergo, couldn’t defend himself until it was too late.
Game Two I drew multiple Anathemancers; there is a reason I have that card as #1 overall from Alara Reborn. It’s just the best threat that has been printed in some years. It’s a Lightning Bolt when it comes down and hits for another four like every time, so seven damage for three mana, and then if the opponent doesn’t have a specific answer to it such as Runed Halo or Pithing Needle, he is just going to lose 100% of the time to the blowback.
2-0/4-0
Round Three: U/W Reveillark
He had beaten Good Man Dan the previous round, so maybe he had a good matchup v. our deck.
Game One I got some damage in with Treetop Villages and Civic Wayfinders. He got a Sower of Temptation and started to attack me for four while I just kept picking up lands. Then he super sized a Figure of Destiny, which was pretty awful. I managed to play a Broodmate Dragon but declined to block when he attacked me just with his super duper Figure of Destiny (had he attacked with both 2/2s, he could have also activated Windbrisk Heights). I took. I think I would have been dead if he had attacked more vigorously for the two previous turns; however he later said he feared of Volcanic Fallout. Turns out I got just enough time to pick up Banefire. Ha ha!
Game Two I got land and spells, including big super spells, but he successfully played Gather Specimens on both my Cloudthresher and a Broodmate Dragon. I had a Banefire but was forced to point it at my Cloudthresher instead of playing for a win because I had no life gain in my deck (if I had so much as a Kitchen Finks I would have played like Craig Jones); I looked at the game over the next three turns and there was just no way I could stay alive long enough to win by topdecking a second Banefire unless I could buffer my life total by at least two points. Anyway, I figured I could try to get in with the Broodmate… but another Gather Specimens. Guess I got what I deserved.
Game Three I kept smashing his board with Caldera Hellion and once he had UUU3 up I didn’t play a creature until I had Shriekmaw backup (it was a Cloudthresher at end of turn to set him up, obviously, which was worth a Fireball and more. This deck was pretty easy to beat once I knew not to get blown out by Gather Specimens.
3-0/6-1
Round Four – RDW
I played against friend and Broodmate Dragon + Makeshift Mannequin godfather, Spencer Reiss. He was going to play the Jund but was allocated RDW in the deck distribution shuffle. I feel like this matchup is about a 70/30 in favor of Spencer’s version in Game One, provided he wins the flip (which he did). Spencer generously offered the lay down if I was planning to go to Nationals anyway, but I assured him I was only going to go if I had a reason to, so he took up the opportunity to blow out the Old Man.
Game One I didn’t actually play a spell. I shipped into a low action hand that was at least going to make its drops and gambled on a sub-optimal draw on Spencer’s part to try to mise into dropping the Broodmate Dragon, knowing that I was probably going to lose whether I shipped or not; at least this hand had a plan. What actually ended up happening is that I activated my Treetop Village to block and Spencer Incinerated it; then I packed.
Between games I declared that Spencers’ first land was going to be Ghitu Encampment, I was going to hit my mana gathering spells, Primal Command his Ghitu Encampment and gain seven life on turn four or five, then he was going to concede to my Broodmate Dragon on turn six.
It turns out this is exactly what happened!
Game Three I had a slow draw to his pretty solid one, but Spencer was stuck on three for about two turns. His fourth land, coming maybe turn five or six, was a Ghitu Encampment; I put it on top of his deck three turns in a row, gaining seven while hitting my land drops. Then I played the first of three Broodmate Dragons. I couldn’t start dropping Dragons earlier because I was low enough that if Spencer had two burn spells he might kill me on the spot, but if I made the repeated Primal Command play, I could keep his mana tapped (ensuring he couldn’t fizzle my next Command), guarantee he couldn’t play Demigod of Revenge even if he topdecked another land, and net 1-2 life per cycle while hitting enough land drops to play Broodmate Dragon with enough mana to activate Treetop Village as a chump blocker if need be. It ended up working out.
4-0/8-2
Round Five – Reflecting Pool Control
The entire tournament I probably made lots of errors that are not going to make it into this terrible tournament report, but really the only one that mattered was in Game One of this match. I had a hot hand with three Banefires, and I started pointing them as soon as I had enough mana for them to go Hellbent. My opponent Ben made me pick up one of my two Treetop Villages after my second Banefire, and I picked up a Savage Land the next turn, which also comes into play tapped. In kind of like one smooth, lazy, motion I dropped the Savage Land instead of the Treetop Village and fired again. Ben asked how many cards I had in hand; he was now Ultimatum-online. The five life he gained that turn kept him out of dead that turn whereas I had to drop Broodmate Dragon, Cloudthresher, and Treetop Village, keeping the Banefire. I shot him to two. He hid behind a Plumeveil for about three turns until he had a Broodmate Dragon of his own to kill me. Had I played the right land, he was just dead; instead he sat on two until he drew a Wall of Reverence to go up four. I died with Fallout as my top card.
Game Two I got him with Anathemancer, Banefire, and Primal Command. The sideboarded matchup is like 75% in favor of Jund Mana Ramp, maybe more. They have like two cards that are more powerful than any of seventeen cards in your deck, and they basically pack if you ever resolve a Primal Command (in fact I was dead on board when I picked up a Primal Command, which I used to go not dead on board thanks to +7, and I got an Anathemancer, which stuck). Of course if it hadn’t stuck, I would have still won on the blowback.
Game Three Ben got me in the complete lockdown – Three Runed Halos and two Pithing Needles (one on Treetop Village, one on Anathemancer). This one could have gone either way for a long time, even after his Cruel Ultimaturm, and I had lots of pulls to win on the spot even with all those permanents down. As late as the last turn I could have drawn a Primal Command (he didn’t have a counter) and won the same way I won Game Two (except putting Runed Halo on top instead of gaining seven). However I blabbed about this and he figured out to just put another Runed Halo down on Anathemancer 
Live and learn.
I also made a “judgment call” in Game Three; I don’t know how much it mattered. Ben tapped down for something (a Mulldrifter maybe?) and I had an Anathemancer in hand. At this point I had a Makeshift Mannequin and he had his Needles already. I could have played the second Anathemancer and hit him for four or five, plus an attack. Instead I played Broodmate Dragon, which merely drew Wrath of God. He had enough mana the subsequent turn to play both Wrath of God and Runed Halo on Anathemancer so I never got that damage in. As the Dragons never hit him, either, I have been wondering about the relative efficacies of both plays. Like I said, I didn’t feel like this was a clear error, and Ben won by enough margin that I can’t point at it like the Game One Treetop flub as a clear match loser.
Ultimately, the thing I am bitter about is not the Treetop Village screwup (okay, lies), but that the crowd really was looking for me to topdeck Karrthus when he tapped out for Broodmate Dragon, and I felt like Ben’s win really robbed the crowd of what they were looking for — nay — deserved. Ben won the next round and made Top 8, though I don’t know if he won or not.
4-1/9-4
Round Six: Fae
I played against Morgan, who I had successfully not bought Karrthus from for $8.
I felt like I made maybe 1.5 relevant errors in my previous match, but in the games against Morgan, I feel like I made about 20 errors in each of the two games I lost (sorry for ruining the suspense). You tell me.
Game One Morgan played Bitterblossom on the play, turn two. My first play was Treetop Village, and my second Fire-Lit Thicket. I looked at the Volcanic Fallout in my hand and said to myself “I need RR for this,” and — not thinking — Thawed up a Mountain! No! Morgan then showed me Scion of Oona on turn three to play his land untapped, and passed. So I have a Volcanic Fallout but I assume he is going to autopilot the Scion down at the end of my turn, so I do nothing when I should have played Gift of the Gargantuan. Not playing Gift of the Gargantuan this turn probably cost me the game. Why?
Morgan didn’t in fact play the Scion so I wasted my turn. He played it the next turn, and at this point I had a fourth land and ran out Cloudthresher for four as I had a bonus Thresher, Mannequin, and Fallout all in hand, as well as a dead Shriekmaw (Shriekmaw isn’t dead-dead, just not very good against Fae). So on my next turn I play the Gift I hadn’t played. Probably fearing another Cloudthresher, Morgan throws a Broken Ambitions at it. He wins the Clash.
Flipping over my only Swamp, which was the second card.
Okay. I don’t have a Swamp anymore. Meaning I can’t play Shriekmaw, or Mannequin, or the next Shriekmaw I pulled, or any of the Broodmate Dragons I might draw, unless I get my hands on a Savage Land.
Blah blah blah. Morgan’s draw isn’t even that good. He eventually kills me with a Mistbind Clique. This is horrendous because my highly card-advantageous deck was able to bleed him for his hand, and I actually lost with both Cloudthresher and Volcanic Fallout in hand! How badly did I have to play to be able to say that? But the real pisser is that I could have avoided all the drama by getting Swamp on turn two, which would have given me three shots to Mistbind Clique before I lost.
Game Two Morgan is manascrewed and I get him with a pair of Finks even though I am also manascrewed (degrees, etc.). Game Three I literally said “Just don’t topdeck a Cryptic Command,” when I passed with a double Dragons, Kitchen Finks, and Treetop Village all on board, Fallout and Banefire in hand… He chuckled and showed me the Cryptic Command on top; his alpha strike put me to -2.
And that’s game boys!
4-2/10-6
Round Seven: Bant
Okay, playing for pride (and packs) at this point 
Game One I shipped to five, and got a playable if not-very-good hand of acceleration and a Broodmate Dragon. He went Rhox War Monk, Rafiq, Noble Hierarch, and that new-fangled Armadillo Cloak-Hammer thing. I gloriously double-blocked the War Monk, which of course just resulted in two dead Dragons. I conceded with him on 36 life and me on no cards.
Game Two he played Gaddock Teeg and Meddling Mage on Volcanic Eruption, which was not really good for my hand or plan. I just kept playing two-for-ones (Civic Wayfinder, Civic Wayfinder, Gift of the Gargantuan) and putting him in a spot where he couldn’t really attack me. Then I got to the expensive guys and won with a series of Alpha Strikes from the high ground.
Game Three it was his turn to go to five. He was screwed on Ancient Ziggaraut, which prevented him from being able to dig out of my massive advantage on the board with a Wrath of God. Basically he played a guy, I played a two-for-one, he played a bigger guy, I killed it with a two-for-one. I think I drew all three Hellions this game.
5-2/12-7
Round Eight Jund Cascade Ramp
Game One he was “winning” the whole game with his little Cascades with Bloodbraid Elf and getting damage in; I ramped a bit and played two Dragons; he played two Dragons. He attacked with both his Dragons and two Treetop Villages, tapping him to one. I dealt myself two during combat and blocked to one life thanks to Cloudthresher. The counterattack was for 15; Banefire took care of the remainder.
Game Two I thought it was kind of interesting we were playing a faux mirror and his main deck Anathemancer did a total of one damage in Game One whereas any Anathemancer I would draw would dop like super infinity. Anyway he played a Spellbreaker Behemoth, which I was pretty sure was going to kill me. I had to cut Shriekmaws because I didn’t think they would be very good, whereas I had to keep Kitchen Finks in my deck because he played Chameleon Colossus.
Lachmann later asked me how bad the hand was that I kept in order for me to have lost to a Spellbreaker Behemoth, but I kept a very mana-y hand with a Broodmate Dragon. Our mirror model is based on the game being decided in Game Three by complete domination of metrics (cards, board, bombs, possibly just Karrthus), so we usually dump all the Finks and just play the two-for-ones and things that cost six or more. So I had no answer to his simple Blastoderm. I ran out a couple of Dragons, but he just kept playing Bituminous Blast + evoke Shriekmaw or Bituminous Blast + Maelstrom Pulse. So Game Three.
Game Three… I don’t actually recall how I won this one. I think I got some Shriekmaw two-for-one on his Gruul-colored threats, I Banefired his Colossus, and had enough six mana threats to out-last his Bituminous Blasts &c. Unlike Game One this one wasn’t particularly close… I just don’t remember the details other than burning out a Chameleon. Sorry, long day
6-2/14-8
Honestly I feel like this version of Jund Mana Ramp might just be the best deck in Standard. I can track my first loss to a very clear error, and my second loss was just circus magic. “Circus” as in it was like I was driving a clown car I made so many mistakes. Story of my life, right? Just gotta play a little bit better and I’m Top 8; oh well, I didn’t. You have literally no blowout matchups, and you can beat any deck; in fact you are a clear favorite against numerous top tier decks such as Reflecting Pool Control and G/W Tokens, and basically any “creature” deck that is smaller than you are.
I know some readers don’t like Gift of the Gargantuan, but I feel like you need it to make plays relatively early and to lace the deck together; there are only 23 lands and you are very mana hungry.
One thing that I have been kind of bothered by is that if I had played Maelstrom Pulse instead of Gift of the Gargantuan I probably would have just gone 5-0 to start, eliminating any and all Runed Halos, which would have allowed me to easily win Game Three against Reflecting Pool Control. Also if the “Fog” deck picks up in popularity, Maelstrom Pulse is a great tool there, especially any turn they tap out. Given the nature of the threats in this deck (seven uncounterable burn spells, access to four Primal Commands in sideboarded games), I think that adding Maelstrom Pulse can put that matchup on borderline unwinnable for Fog. Just a thought.
Tee Shirt:
I have played three tournaments with the You’ve Got the Touch tee shirt now. I didn’t win any of them, but I haven’t so much as made an individual PTQ-level Top 8 in two years. However, I have finished in the prizes in every single tournament, despite playing Green each time, whereas before starting to wear this shirt, I had not finished in the packs since Regionals 2007. So… touch or no?
LOVE
MIKE